Anyone for vegemite!!

Crikey it's tough living with my Mum. Talk about a weirdo. She's got rules and regulations on how to best eat vegemite. How peculiar is that?  Before I start telling you all about the rules and reg. I'll tell you a bit about her first. Don't want you to think she's completely mad so I'll make a few excuses for her before I start. When she was a little girl her family was VERY poor. Her Daddy died when she was only 2. He was a coal miner so that makes Mum a coal miner's daughter (great name for a song, aye? ... funny, but Mum's name is Lynn and that song was written by Loretta Lynn). Her Mum was from Scottish heritage and, because she was VERY poor, she was VERY frugal. Guess a bit of that has rubbed off on Mum. At meal times there was sometimes not enough food to go around but there was ALWAYS bread on the table and a big jar of VEGEMITE. If you were still hungry once the dinner was eaten you could always fill up on bread and vegie.  Just as well Mum LOVED vegemite, aye?  Mad if you don't, I say ..... I like it too ..... it's VERY good stuff!   Ok ...  I've got the excuses out of the way so listen to this and make your own mind up as to whether or not Mum's weird.
The first most important rule to remember in our house is ... if there is a brand new jar of vegemite in the house it must NOT be opened until every skerrick of vegemite has been used from the old jar. To get the last bit out you must fill the jar with boiling water, stir and then drink the vegemite liquid. Yum!!!!!!! 
Secondly .... Only Mum must open the new jar. This is not because others would be incapable of performing this task but because Mum LOVES, with a passion, that very first knife full of vegie. She reckons it tastes better than any other in the whole jar. She has been known to not use a knife but to just scoop it out with her finger and then lick it off said finger. Disgusting, aye?
Thirdly  ... Now it gets really weird ... when making a sandwich or vegemite on toast the bread must be spread with butter first. Not margarine. Only butter must be used. The butter must reach right to the edge of the crust. Once this is done the knife must then be wiped on paper towel so as not to get any butter in the vegemite jar. The vegemite can then be spread over the butter. It must also reach right to the very edge of the crusts and must completely cover the butter so that the butter is not visible at all. If once started you have to redip into the vegemite you must wipe the knife each time on paper towel. If butter is found in the vegemite jar all hell breaks loose. The same if vegemite is found in the tub of butter.
Finally ... if it's toast it must be cut into four triangle before eating. Two is not good enough. It MUST be four. If it is a sandwich it must also be cut into four triangles. All crusts MUST be eaten unless you are under five years of age when they will be cut off for you. NO exceptions!!! Everyone over 5 MUST eat their crusts.
See what did I tell you ...... My MUM IS VERY TOUGH TO LIVE WITH!!  Not to mention weird, aye??

All ready to prepare brekky. Note the paper towel for knife wiping!!

The finished product!!

See ..... NO vegemite in the butter!!

AND NO butter in the vegemite!!

One for Mum and one for me!! Why does she always get the biggest bit!!

Crikey it's in my bowl!

Pleeeeeeeeeeease Mum ..... can I have it NOW!!

Fair dinkum ...... that is so good!!!

Wanna run ... Love, Charlie.